Here’s Who Would Win an Elon Musk / Mark Zuckerberg Cage Match Fight
If you’ve ever wanted to watch billionaire tech bros battle it out Rock’em Sock’em style, you might be in luck. Elon Musk jokingly tweeted that he would be “up for a cage match” with Mark Zuckerberg, in response to Meta’s efforts to launch a “sanely run” Twitter competitor. To which the Meta CEO shot back a screenshot of Musk’s tweet with the caption “send me location.”
I’m up for a cage match if he is lol
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 21, 2023
Apparently, the fight is going down at the Vegas Octagon. And when it does, Musk has named his strategy: “I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus,’ where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing.”
Considering Zuck’s recent win in his first jiu-jitsu competition, Musk may want to revisit his game plan. But we wouldn’t discount the Twitter CEO either. According to Musk, he’s participated in “real hard-core street fights” growing up in South Africa.
In terms of tech C-suiters hashing it out in the ring, Musk versus Zuckerberg is as good as it gets. Here’s who to put your money on if the two actually make it to the cage.
Elon Musk
Fighter stats
Nickname: Elon “Space Cowboy” Musk
Age: 51
Height: 6’2”
Training status
Musk isn’t a big fan of the gym. “To be totally frank, I wouldn’t exercise at all if I could,” he told Joe Rogan on an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience in 2020.
More recently he’s expressed more interest in getting in shape. “I gotta workout out and be in better shape,” Musk told the Full Send podcast in August 2022, just one day after his father Errol Musk took a swipe at his appearance after unflattering shirtless photos surfaced of the Twitter CEO on a yacht in Mykonos.
I almost never work out, except for picking up my kids & throwing them in the air
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 22, 2023
Musk even shared how he planned to get fit. “I’m going to switch from immediately looking at my phone first thing in the morning to working out for at least 20 minutes,” he says.
However, based on a recent tweet in which Musk admitted “I almost never work out,” we’ll assume said plans are still in the planning phase…10 months later.
Fighting experience
What Musk lacks in physical vigor, he may make up for in sheer physical size and fighting experience. On The Joe Rogan Experience, Musk revealed he studied karate, judo, and Brazilian jiu-jitsu in his youth. That hobby has traced itself into his adult years.
At a birthday party thrown years ago by Musk’s ex-wife, which was attended by a sumo wrestler, Musk took to the ring. He managed—according to him—to throw his 350-pound opponent, resulting in an injury to his spine.
Managed to throw him, but it cost me smashing my c5-c6 disc & 8 years of mega back pain! Finally fixed with c5-c6 disc fusion.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 21, 2022
These efforts prove Musk may be a worthy contender in the cage, but they also reveal his greatest weakness: Severe back and neck pain. Musk has had neck surgery to address the pain not once, but twice. Meaning? ‘The Walrus’ might be Musk’s only bet.
Mark Zuckerberg
Fighter stats
Nickname: Mark “Lizard” Zuckerberg
Age: 39
Height: 5’7″
Training status
Close your eyes and picture Mark Zuckerberg. What do you see? A house cat? A cyborg? Maybe his cartoonish metaverse avatar—with legs or without them. What you probably don’t envision: bulging forearms, swollen shoulders, and a thick neck, glistening with sweat.
Yeah, Zuck’s been working out. He can run a sub-20 5K, which is by no means winning races but isn’t too shabby for a near-40-year-old tech tycoon. He also claims to have polished off this year’s MURPH challenge—which involves a one-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 pushups, 300 squats, and another one-mile run all while wearing a 20-pound vest—in a mere 40 minutes. Not saying it’s not possible, but that time would put him amongst elite CrossFit competitors and military personnel.
Here’s the thing, we’re fifty-fifty on whether the dude is a robot. Either way, Zuckerberg kicks Musk’s ass in the fitness department.
Fighting experience
In an August 2022 appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience, Zuckerberg shared that he had taken up martial arts during the pandemic, training with Dave Camarillo—a well-known Brazilian jiu-jitsu coach in the Bay Area. “The crazy thing is, it really is the best sport. There’s something that’s just so primal about it,” Zuckerberg told Rogan.
According to Zuck’s hardware, the training is paying off. At his first jiu-jitsu competition in May 2023, Zuckerberg walked away with a handful of medals. “This was his first tournament, but it didn’t seem like it,” Danny Patalot, chief executive of BJJ Tour, told The New York Times. “He was aggressive using technique. There was no fear. That’s not typical for a white belt competitor at a first tournament.”
As far as we’re concerned, Musk better watch his back, literally.
